you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
