I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need moral support for this bender
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
