I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
