Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
