Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
