so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
