...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
