And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
