Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
