She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
