so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
