It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
