where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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