plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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