Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
