I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
