Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
