Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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