sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I died a long time ago.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
