This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
