I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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