i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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