Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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