I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
