Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize