my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
