I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
