You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
be right there i have to get my cape
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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