Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize