Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
