I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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