I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
