I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He better not be in your backpack
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
