I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
