i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
