I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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