Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
