so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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