The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
