I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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