he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
