Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
