Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
