You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
