Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
