Apparently you make a good broom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
