Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize