just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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