i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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