How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
