What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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