There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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