I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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