Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
