New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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