I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
