We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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