Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birth control should be required to get into college
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize