tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize