got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
