hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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