I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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