Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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