I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize