That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
