I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
