the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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