if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
