if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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