All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
