Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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