My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
