Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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