i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
