Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
