This is not my ceiling
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's blow job season.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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