What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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